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Filipino Joke Time

1

March 31, 2008 by jotan23

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ay lab the Pilipeeens!!!
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Filipinos are really funny and they are born with the best humor!!!!

SA BAKERY
Pulubi: Palimos po ng cake.
Ale: Aba, sosyal ka ah! Namalimos ka lang, gusto mo pang cake.. eto pandesal!
Pulubi: Duh! Ate?! Bday ko kaya today?!?

ANAK: Tay mag-ingat kayo sa DANKTRAK!.
TATAY: ano ung danktrak?
ANAK: Yunn pong trak na 10 ang gulong na karga buhangin?
TATAY: Tanga inde danktrak un…TEN MILLER!!!

Things you don’t want to hear during your own surgery:
-san yung gunting na bago? Bat may kalawang to?
-10ml? may nakasurvive na ba dyan? Sabi ko 5ml lang!
-doc, ubos na po pala yung anesthesia.
-kanina pa bukas yung tiyan, asan yung pantahi?
-sunog! Sunog! Labas lahat!

AMO: inday, paalisin mo nga yung pulubi sa labas ng bahay.
(nilabas ni Inday)
INDAY: off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such
unabashed display of vagrant destitution!
PULUBI: oh! I’m so ashamed! Such a mansion of social climbing freaks!
(nakakuha na ng katapat si Inday!)
NOSEBLEED!!

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BOB: nakakamagkano ka sa 1 araw?
PULUBI: nag-uumpisa kasi ako ng 8am. Ngayon 9am na. naka 80 na ko.
BOB: hindi din masama noh? Ano mabibili mo niyan?
PULUBI: pwede na tong isang espresso macchiato sa starbucks!

BOY: dad, tulong naman sa assignment ko. Find the least common denominator daw.
DAD: ha? aba’y elementary pa lang ako eh hinahanap na nila yan ah! Aba’y di pa ba nila nakikita?

Imagine if all straight guys are talking in gay lingo.
STUDENT: bakit di mo chinuva yung girlalu? Malaki naman ang susey ng lola
mo ah.
HUNK: Winnie cordero nga dude sa susey, Melanie marquez naman sa
brainwaves. Wit na.
Jaworski while coaching: keber sa kalaban! Just focus! We cannot afford to
luz valdez ! Getlakin niyo yung last freethrow! Windangin yung mga julaban!
Ok! Go for the gold to the highest level mga chorva! Gow lang! gow lang ng
gow!

TEACHER: mga bata, alam niyo ba na ang bawat butil ng palay ay galing sa
dugo’t pawis ng mga magsasaka?
MGA BATA: eeewwww!

PARI: halika sa sulok
MADRE: bakit po?
PARI: sara mo pinto.
MADRE: wag po!
PARI: patayin mo ilaw!
MADRE: diyos ko po!
PARI: tamo rosary ko. Glow in the dark!

kung totoo ang ‘ Darwin ‘s theory of evolution’ na ang tao ay nagmula sa
unggoy, bakit may mga taong mukhang kabayo?
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CONVICT: Father forgive me for I have sinned.
PRIEST: Sabihin mo lahat ng kasalanan mo anak.
CONVICT: Father, pinapatay ko lahat ng naniniwala sa Diyos. Kayo ba naniniwala sa kanya?
PRIEST: Sino yon?

Witness: pagkatapos ng krimen naghiwa-hiwalay na kami
Translator: after the crime, we became sepa-separated

TEACHER: ano ang pambansang ibon?
BOY: chicken?
TEACHER: hindi! kulay brown ito!
BOY: fried chicken!
TEACHER: hindi! mas maliit ito sa chicken.
BOY: knorr chicken cubes!
TEACHER: get out!

Se – xy girl nagkukumpisal:
PARI: iha, ano ang iyong ikukumpisal?
SE – XY: father, pag nakakarinig po ako ng lalaking nagmumura di ko mapigilan sarili ko na yayain siya mags – ex!
PARI: ‘**** ina! Di nga?

a great example of globalization: princess Diana, a Welsh princess with an Egyptian fiancé, crashed in a French tunnel while riding in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was dru – nk on Scottish wh – isky, chased by Italian paparazzi on Japanese big bikes. An American doctor tried to save them using Brazilian meds. This message was made by a Filipino on a Finnish Nokia phone smuggled from China by a Pakistani based in Quiapo.

a thirsty city girl went to a barrio
GIRL: where galing your water manong?
MATANDA: sa ilog ineng.
GIRL: ha? You drink that water manong?
MATANDA: duhhh! Why, sa syudad ba chine-chew?

Overheard from a girl na galit sa kararating na boyfriend sa starbucks:
GIRL: my God, you’re so late. Where did you . . . where have you. . . where do you. . . san ka ba galing?

Wife: Gusto kong magpadagdag ng boobs..
Husband: Ha! Di ba masagwa yon… magiging tatlo!

Inday: Sir, karamihan pala ng nakalibing sa
sementeryo ginahasa.
Sir: Paano mo nalaman?
Inday: Kasi nakalagay sa lapida nila RIP!

After having sex, panay pa rin ang hawak ng girl sa ano ng boy…
BOY: Gusto mo pa uli?
GIRL: Hindi, namimiss ko lang… Meron kase ako nito dati eh.

Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife
and carried her.
Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?
Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!


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Pacman in war wid MILF
Pacman: sumuko na kayo!!
MILF: susuko lang kame pagna spell mo ang ceasefire!!
Pacman: tuloy ang laban!!durugin sila!!Padalhan ko kayo ng chrysanthemum sa burol nyo!
MILF: spell chrysanthemum?!
pacman: p@kyu!sabi ko rose…bingi!!!!!

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One thought on “Filipino Joke Time

  1. Anonymous says:

    Hilarious. Amazing. Haha

    Hindi ko mapigilang tumawa, nakakainis. XD

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